The Surprising Benefits of Crushes at Any Age: Why Infatuation is Healthy for All

The concept of a “crush” is often tied to images of high school hallways, scribbled diary entries, and unrequited love. However, crushes aren’t exclusive to adolescents. Adults across all ages and relationship statuses find themselves occasionally drawn to others, experiencing the thrill of a crush.

This natural, universal experience can provide emotional depth and self-awareness—even for those in committed relationships.

Understanding the Psychology of Crushes

A crush is typically an intense, yet one-sided, admiration or attraction that remains largely unfulfilled. According to psychologists, crushes differ from romantic love or deep emotional connection as they’re usually based on fantasy rather than actual compatibility or shared values.

We tend to project idealized qualities onto the object of our admiration, creating a sort of mental playground where we can explore various aspects of ourselves.

For adults, this process can serve as a mirror, reflecting our own desires, insecurities, and values. It’s a bit like a harmless mental exercise that allows us to explore who we are and what qualities captivate us.

While many assume crushes are immature or fleeting, the psychological benefits can be profound at any age, leading to deeper self-awareness and even improved relationship satisfaction.

Why Do Crushes Happen?

Crushes can arise for various reasons, often tied to attraction but sometimes sparked by admiration, curiosity, or novelty. Some psychologists believe crushes occur because they activate the brain’s reward center, providing a pleasurable sense of excitement and novelty.

Adults, especially those in long-term relationships, might develop crushes due to these factors as a way to experience something novel without seeking a new partner.

In relationships, we often fall into routines, and while stability is comforting, we may still crave the emotional high associated with attraction and pursuit. Crushes fulfill this need in a harmless, manageable way.

They’re like a safe, mental adventure that brings a bit of that early-stage romance energy back into our lives.

The Link Between Crushes and Personal Growth

One unexpected benefit of crushes is their potential to act as catalysts for self-discovery and personal growth. Crushes can make us aware of qualities we admire and may want to cultivate within ourselves.

For example, being attracted to someone with a talent or skill you admire might inspire you to develop that skill in your own life. Crushes can also reveal our own strengths and desires, helping us understand what we value in others and ourselves.

For those who are single, this awareness can guide future relationship choices. For people in committed relationships, a crush may help identify areas where they feel unfulfilled or need to communicate more openly with their partner.

Sometimes, the qualities we’re drawn to in a crush reflect what we miss in our primary relationship, providing valuable insights into how we can make our relationships more fulfilling.

Crushes in Committed Relationships: A Taboo Topic?

When people in relationships experience crushes, they may feel a surge of guilt, worry, or confusion. Many fear their crush signifies a deeper dissatisfaction or disloyalty to their partner.

However, research suggests that people in relationships experience crushes more often than single people. Rather than signaling dissatisfaction, crushes in committed relationships often reflect a natural curiosity or admiration that doesn’t undermine the bond with their partner.

Psychologists emphasize that crushes don’t mean someone intends to act on their feelings. Most people in committed relationships view crushes as fleeting attractions that pose no real threat to their partnership.

Recognizing this distinction can help alleviate feelings of guilt or betrayal and can even help partners communicate more openly about their relationship dynamics.

The Benefits of Crushes in Committed Relationships

Ironically, a crush can sometimes strengthen a committed relationship. When people feel a spark of attraction for someone else, it often boosts their mood, increases their self-confidence, and enhances their sense of desirability.

This renewed energy can bring excitement and vitality into their primary relationship, making interactions with their partner feel more dynamic and enjoyable.

Additionally, a crush can encourage individuals to focus on self-care, appearance, and personal interests—qualities that can benefit their partner as well.

The key is to view the crush as a harmless source of energy that can enhance one’s primary relationship rather than detract from it.

Crushes as a Tool for Revitalizing Routine

One of the challenges of long-term relationships is the gradual shift from passionate love to companionate love. While this transition is natural and healthy, it sometimes leaves people longing for the intensity of early-stage attraction.

Crushes can provide a dose of excitement without disrupting the commitment and security of a long-term bond. The rush of infatuation, though unfulfilled, can make people feel alive and connected to their emotional needs, sometimes reminding them to bring that passion back into their committed relationship.

For example, someone with a crush may feel inspired to plan romantic dates, prioritize quality time, or share more intimate moments with their partner. By reigniting the same energy that initially brought them together, couples can find new ways to deepen their connection.

How to Handle a Crush in a Healthy Way

While crushes can be beneficial, managing them requires awareness and mindfulness. Here are some tips on how to navigate a crush without letting it affect your relationship:

• Acknowledge the Crush Without Guilt: Accept that having a crush is normal and doesn’t reflect poorly on your relationship or loyalty.
• Examine the Qualities You Admire: Consider what qualities drew you to this person and think about how you can bring those elements into your life or relationship.
• Focus on Your Primary Relationship: Channel the positive energy from your crush into your relationship. Plan activities that bring you and your partner closer, reigniting your connection.
• Be Honest with Yourself: If the crush begins to impact your relationship or causes significant distress, it might be helpful to talk with a therapist to understand the underlying emotions.
• Use It as a Mirror: If a crush reveals areas of your relationship that feel unfulfilled, discuss these aspects with your partner. This open communication can lead to growth and connection.

Navigating Guilt and Societal Judgment

Society often frames crushes as a sign of dissatisfaction or disloyalty, especially for those in committed relationships. This perspective, however, doesn’t take into account the complexity of human emotions and the many roles that attraction plays in our lives.

Accepting crushes as a normal part of the emotional landscape can reduce feelings of guilt or shame. It can also encourage people to communicate openly about their needs, desires, and boundaries in their relationships.

When approached with honesty and introspection, a crush can be an enriching experience rather than a source of stress or secrecy. It’s possible to enjoy the thrill of admiration without compromising personal integrity or relationship values.

Conclusion

Crushes, often dismissed as trivial or juvenile, can be surprisingly beneficial at any age. They serve as windows into our own personalities, revealing values, desires, and qualities we admire.

In relationships, crushes can bring a sense of novelty and excitement that helps reignite passion and strengthen bonds. Far from a threat, they can be a source of vitality and self-discovery when handled with awareness and respect.

By embracing crushes as a healthy, normal aspect of emotional life, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our relationships.